


Secrets

by ItsaVikingThing



Series: Korrasami Week 2017 [7]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Day 7: Family, F/F, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Korrasami Week 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 10:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12166728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsaVikingThing/pseuds/ItsaVikingThing
Summary: Hiroshi Sato has been dead for six months.Asami is trying to grieve, but she isn't sure how. She feels alone.Korra is there to remind her that she isn't.





	Secrets

Asami breaks in front of Pema.

They've finished dinner, and Tenzin is putting Rohan to bed while Korra deals with the dishes.

Pema says, "It doesn't feel real, how quickly he's growing. He won't be our baby much longer. I'm trying to make all the memories I can, before it's too late."

Asami interrupts, politely, and makes an excuse, saying that she has to go to the bathroom.

She breaks _down_ in there, fighting the ugly sobs that wrack her body, trying to choke them back, trying to be silent.

She does her best to repair the damage to her makeup when the crying jag is finally over.

She doesn't fool Pema. Or Korra.

But Pema can't quite bring herself to ask, and Korra just holds her on the ferry ride home.

Asami feels hollowed out, but the deep well of her grief is still brimming inside her.

Hiroshi Sato has been dead for six months.

* * *

Memories are treacherous things.

Asami can remember a time when she remembered her mother's voice, but Yasuko Sato isn't heard in the memories of anyone living anymore.

That's only one of many good things her father took from Asami, and the world, when he died.

Sometimes Asami tries to remember him in the days when they were happy.

She remembers days spent in his workshop. Evenings learning Pai Sho from him. She remembers how he pushed her into learning martial arts. She had been reluctant to learn, as a child. But she had come to love the training.

She had come to love it for herself, but she had first learned to love it for her father.

She's forced to wonder if her life was shaped by a father indulging his only daughter, or by a madman intent on vengeance who was making her into another weapon to use against the world he blamed for Yasuko's death.

When did his grief sour into hatred? When did Asami lose him?

It was long before she saw Hiroshi's face twisted in rage, as he tried to kill her. Though that was the moment that she truly understood how lost he was.

It's one of her clearest memories of him. She's relived it in her nightmares, often enough.

Asami never saw his face when Hiroshi gave his life to save her. To save Republic City.

She'll never know what was in his eyes and on his lips. She only knows that she'll never forget his last words, but that she will forget the sound of his voice.

Memories are treacherous things. Hiroshi is only a memory now, one Republic City is keen to forget as they rebuild.

The name 'Sato' is everywhere, on any number of vehicles and devices. But Hiroshi is being elided from the Sato name. It's Asami's now.

Hers alone.

Her father is just memories, and grief she can't untangle from anger, and it doesn't matter how often she breaks down, how often she cries until her muscles ache, there's no emptying of that well.

There's no clearing the rubble Hiroshi Sato left in her. There's no building something new until she can.

Asami doesn't know how to talk to anyone about him.

Not even Korra. Not even when it gets bad, and Korra holds her, holds her together, and Asami _wants_ to talk, to tell Korra how broken she is.

But she can't.

Asami has to figure this out for herself.

That's what she tells herself, even though she knows it isn't true.

* * *

Korra knows a secret.

The secret is: sometimes Asami Sato cries when she thinks no one else is around.

Korra catches her only once, a few months after they become a couple.

She comes home early one evening to find Asami huddled on the end of the sofa, a sheaf of design documentation on the table in front of her, and huge, wracking sobs spilling out of her.

When Korra tries to comfort her, Asami races to the bathroom. When she emerges, she's outwardly calm, and promises Korra that they'll talk about it later.

They don't, though. Not really. Asami contrives to keep her deepest wound from Korra.

Korra lets her, in the hope that Asami just needs time to nurse herself.

And in time, Asami does get better. She smiles more, seems carefree. She embraces the joy of her new life with Korra.

But Korra keeps a careful watch.

She never catches Asami like that again, but she notices the way Asami vanishes sometimes.

How hard she tries to pretend that she's okay when she comes back.

After a few months, Korra realises that Asami isn't healing.

And she isn't talking, either.

When Korra realises that there's no one else she can consult on why Asami can't share this sorrow, Korra abruptly understands exactly what's wrong.

* * *

Korra visits Hiroshi Sato's grave the morning after her revelation.

It's a plain, simple, unadorned plot in the new cemetary.

Korra has been here only once before, by Asami's side, for the funeral.

No one else came. 

There was -- and still is -- a city to rebuild. There were too many things occupying people for there to be much turnout for the very public traitor who died an unknown hero.

Korra isn't sure how she feels about Hiroshi Sato to this day.

But she is entirely sure how she feels about Asami.

"I think things are a little out of balance, Hiroshi. I'm sorry it took me so long to realise that."

Korra kneels and touches the earth of his grave. "I'll take care of this. I'll take care of her, Hiroshi. It's my job, now."

* * *

Korra talks to Suyin Beifong first.

Suyin is delighted when Korra calls, until Korra tells her why.

"Korra...that's a big thing to decide by yourself. Are you sure this is wise?"

Korra is not.

"I'm sure Asami needs this. That's really all I'm sure of."

Suyin is quiet for a long time. Finally she says, "I can think of a bronze worker that might help. I'll arrange an introduction."

"Thanks, Su."

"No need, Korra. I love her, too."

* * *

Lin doesn't like it. But she rarely likes anything.

In the end, she walks Korra through all the permits and application forms she'll need.

Well, she makes Mako do it while she works a heavy bag in the RCPD gym, but it's the thought that counts.

* * *

Bolin, Opal, Jinora and Kai become her accomplices.

"It's not that I want to keep this a secret from Asami," Korra explains to them. "It's just...I have a feeling that this is going to be a long, tricky process. I don't want to give her false hope."

So whenever Korra needs to do paperwork, or attend a meeting, one of her accomplices help keeps Asami distracted.

They do more than that, though. They help Korra plan, but that's not the main thing, either.

* * *

Asami is Korra's girlfriend. They live together. She's a genius.

It doesn't take her long to figure out that Korra's up to something.

Asami says, one evening while Korra's cooking their dinner, "You've been busy lately. By a wonderful conicidence, our friends have been very keen to spend time with me."

"That's because they love you!"

"And because you're up to something?" Asami asks, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Korra kisses her, which makes Asami smile for real. "And because I'm up to something. Mainly the other thing, though." Korra sighs. "Trust me?"

Asami hesitates for the merest fraction of a second. "I do. You'll...tell me when you're ready."

Korra understands the hesitation. It's guilt.

Korra puts her arms around Asami and holds her close. "I will. I'm right here, Asami. Whenever you need me. Always."

Asami holds her until the smell of burning pulls them apart, laughing as they try to salvage their dinner.

* * *

When she and Mako have filed the paperwork, Korra taps Bumi and Kya.

Bumi grins when Korra starts to explain what she has in mind.

"Party planning? You came to the right people!"

Kya's watching Korra's expression, though. "It's not a party, Bumi. What's going on Korra?"

When Korra finishes telling them, Bumi isn't grinning anymore.

He says, "That's...does Asami know?"

Korra shakes her head. "Not exactly. I'll tell her nearer the time."

Bumi takes a deep breath. "Korra..."

Kya cuts him off. "Korra's right." She smiles, sadly. "You've probably got more experience in this area than me."

Bumi sighs. "More than I care to remember." He looks at Kya, who nods. "I guess you really did come to the right people, Korra."

* * *

Korra takes to getting up before Asami. She needs to make sure she intercepts the mail before Asami can see it.

The letter from Raiko's office arrives less than a month before the anniversary.

Korra reads it on the roof, with a trio of curious spirits for company.

It's a rejection of her proposal, of course.

The handwriting isn't Raiko's, but the language is. Words like, 'inappropriate', 'ill-considered', and, 'in poor taste,' punch Korra repeatedly in the gut.

She simmers on the roof -- the spirits retreating to a safe distance -- until she feels calm enough to join Asami for breakfast.

When Asami leaves for Future Industries, Korra grabs her glider and heads to Air Temple Island.

* * *

Tenzin smiles more easily when he sees her these days.

Maybe because he isn't Korra's teacher anymore.

Maybe because Korra isn't quite as volatile as she used to be.

Most days.

"Raiko's a stubborn, stuck-up, cowardly, grudge-harbouring, malicious, badly-moustached _jerk_. I'm going over there."

Tenzin sighs. "He may have a point, Korra. Have you really thought this through?"

Korra opens her mouth. She meets Tenzin's eye, and closes it again. She sighs.

"Tenzin. Asami needs this. And...more than that, Hiroshi deserves this. Asami might hate me, for a while. But this is what's right."

Tenzin considers, stroking his beard. He smiles. "I'm not your teacher these days, but I hope that doesn't mean I can't tell you how proud I am of you."

Korra laughs. "It doesn't. And...I may need somewhere to sleep for a while, so..."

"Well, if it comes to that, you'll be welcome. Ikki in particular misses you."

Korra nods at the letter. "So...?"

Tenzin says, "Raiko is...prejudiced. I'll speak to him."

"I could come with you..."

Tenzin chuckles. "Better not." His expression hardens. "I'll deal with this, Korra. You have my word."

Korra's used to seeing that look on his face when Tenzin's readying himself to fight on behalf of his children.

She takes him at his word.

* * *

It all comes together.

It doesn't, in fact; Korra and everyone else make it happen.

When it's ready, Korra wakes Asami with breakfast in bed.

Asami smiles, sleep fuddled and achingly lovely. "What's the occasion?"

Korra wonders if they'll be sharing a bed tonight.

"I'm ready to show you what I've been up to."

Asami blinks sleepily. "Oh. You sound...alright. Let's enjoy the morning, first."

They try, and for the most part, they do.

* * *

Asami is surprised when Korra insists they take a Satomobile. More so when she insists on driving.

Korra's a better driver than she used to be, but she's still not great. Today, she's slow and careful.

She's utterly focused on controlling the vehicle, so they don't talk. Even when it becomes obvious where they're going, and Asami's hands begin to shake, and anger starts to build in her, they don't talk.

It's only when they're parked outside the cemetary that Asami says, in a voice she doesn't recognise as her own, "The anniversary is _tomorrow_ , Korra."

Korra flinches, but she nods. "I know. I have something to show you today, though. I..." She swallows. "Please?"

Asami doesn't say anything. She walks ahead of Korra, into the cemetary, holding tight to her anger so she can keep her grief at bay.

She stops, before she reaches his grave, when she sees it.

Hiroshi's statue is not a colossus, like the statues of Aang and Korra. It's a bronzework, lifesize, and lifelike, on a simple stone plinth in the centre of the graveyard.

It's a good representation of Hiroshi Sato in the last days of his life.

Asami doesn't know how long she stands, staring, before Korra steps into her peripheral vision.

Korra doesn't try to touch her. She doesn't say anything. She lets Asami know that she's there, and then she waits.

Asami says, "You...did this? _Why_?"

Korra sucks in a breath. "Because...good and bad, Hiroshi Sato shaped Republic City. He played as much a part as anyone ever has, in his way. And he died defending it. He...did terrible things. But he tried to make up for that. He deserves to be remembered."

Korra steps in front of Asami, close enough to touch. "And because he knew, Asami. He knew what he was doing that day. He knew that everything good in him, was in you. And so much more. He knew you were better than he ever was. You were his last and greatest gift to the world. And you need to grieve. You _deserve_ to mourn him openly. He didn't want you to survive, Asami. He wants you to live."

Asami breaks down, but Korra's there to catch her before her knees hit the ground.

Asami gasps out, through the tears, "I _miss_ him, Korra."

Korra brushes some hair from Asami's face, and kisses her brow. "He was your dad. Of course you do."

It takes a long time for the tears to stop, but when they do, Asami feels lighter.

* * *

They sit at the base of the statue, Korra with her back to the plinth. Asami's back is pressed against Korra.

Time drifts by slow, lazy, and inconsequential.

Korra says, "It wasn't just me, you know. It was Su, and Lin, and Mako, and Bolin, and Opal, and Jinora, and Kai, and Tenzin, and Bumi, and Kya. It was everyone. Everyone who loves you."

Asami shivers, and Korra pulls her in closer.

"Tomorrow, if you want...Kya and Bumi helped me organise a memorial service. A real one, this time. Everyone wants to be there. Tell stories, share memories. But only if you want it, Asami."

Asami groans. "Don't ask me to make decisions today."

Korra kisses the back of her head. "Okay."

"They won't be good stories...or good memories. Most of them."

"No. Not all of them, no." Korra sighs. Her breath is warm against Asami's skin. "You can tell us the good ones."

"I don't know what they are."

"You do. You will. Time helps. But talking does, too. Take it from someone who didn't do so great herself..."

Asami smiles, which surprises her. "I...let's get out of here. I want to do something new."

Korra's smiling, too, Asami can hear it when she says, "Okay. Let's go for a drive. Stop wherever you like."

Asami blinks. "That's...you thought I'd be angry with you. That's why you wanted to drive us here. So I could leave if I wanted to. Alone..."

Korra nods, her chin rubbing against Asami's shoulder.

"Oh, Korra. I...I don't want to be alone."

"Oh, Asami. You _aren't._ "

Asami looks up at her father's statue. She thinks about all the people who had a hand in making it.

She thinks about the memories she carries inside her. The memories she has to share, that she's being allowed to share.

Asami smiles. "I know. I love you. Let's go."

She helps Korra to her feet. They leave together, holding hands, and leaving Hiroshi behind them.

They leave, carrying him with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks very much for reading, folks!
> 
> Thanks for reading all the things all week long!
> 
> Phew! Korrasami week is over for me, writing-wise. Writing-wise, it's been the better part of a month. 
> 
> It's been good fun, I've learned a lot, I've gotten some great comments from you guys, and I think I've even written one or two things I'm pleased with! Woohoo!
> 
> I'm looking forward to going back and reading a bit more, now, too!
> 
> But, as all good things must come to an end, I'll be taking a bit of a hiatus from writing in the Korraverse. I will be continuing the Elements in Balance series, and I will return to the Ikki-narrated AU I started. But not for a while.
> 
> I also write Life is Strange fanfiction, which I mention mostly as a service to my new subs (thank you very much, by the way!). For the next few weeks, I'll be returning to all the other fics I abandoned while I frantically tried to write Korra stories. So...there might be some things popping up in your inbox that aren't entirely relevant to your interests. Soorry about that!
> 
> (I mean, heck, if you want to read some of my other fics, I won't be cross. But you don't have to, obvs.)
> 
> As a final note, if you haven't already, you should go read [@Writerleft's](http://archiveofourown.org/series/593860) stuff. For one thing, she's great. For another, her work is great. For a third, I would not have done Korrasami week if it wasn't for her (thanks, friend!), so if you liked these stories, show [@Writerleft](http://archiveofourown.org/series/593860) some love! She's lovely, and she'll treat you right.
> 
> Thanks again! See you in the comments!


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